the unconscious idea of celebrating ourselves with different notions.
We all are fascinated by the idea of me and are trying to somehow cultivate life in between those frames. We first feel everything, learn from it and then we look to the large canvas of life loaded with whitespaces and commas and then we become aware of all the rules and look for validation that initiates the idea of ourselves.
I am sometimes so indulged in the idea of myself that unknowingly I prefer other choices rule over me, constantly seeking validation even when it is not required. The constant validation of myself that is living inside my head, to live up to my build-up expectations. I believe in the manifestation of Gen-Z but then I forget the ground, I m standing upon.
The idea of me — can be distinguished in two major ways :
- The idea of me that I have crafted over the years through learning and experimenting, feeling all low and together
- The idea of me that people validate — somehow the idea of me that people think I am and should be
Generally, all the social decisions we take are bounded to these two versions of ourselves, what we should do to what they might be thinking. All these emotions are generated by the empathy we keep for each other and the ideology we want to maintain for ourselves.
In the past few months, I was unable to write anything because I was too scared of writing something that won’t be timeless. I love timeless things and ideas — something that can be carried on forever and can’t be bothered by the eras we live in. More like poetry and art.
I work in the tech industry and somehow I should be able to live with constant changes and ideas that’s been flourishing over the years despite all the information, the human living inside me wants to retain the state of unchanged things for a time frame.
A sense of stopping everything and just living in those bits and craving for the best and best every time but see the irony here, I want every time everything better but never want the change. That’s how a human trick themselves and let themselves feel bad and unauthenticated to their own identity. This all is the loosely bounded imperial vision of ourselves.
and this is the idea of me — in my little bubble, and this is just an instance.
When I think to do something that I normally won’t do. I unconsciously dive into the motion of how people think of me, which is simply a way of telling myself to let go of the risk and just live the way it is.
Somewhere, it is the place where I lose the golden chance of changing and experimenting with different aspects. You can say somehow, I am a lazy person if there’s something that I can experiment with without going out or with my mind, I will prefer it anyways, but here that’s not the point.
The centre of the discussion is we are so trapped that — we will be just like our moms and dads. Remember the time when we often use to say to them that our elders are a little less revolutionary or they don’t believe that something exists because they don’t know it and they will somehow have to experience it? They are so tired of learning anything at all or something new as they are comfortable in their own horizons, which is somehow I think the biggest poison for my body growing up.
That’s where the thought of validation comes, the empathetical emotions arise from — the idea of me — what they think and what if I somehow hurt their idea of me.
The fear of choosing our instincts over life is courageous and mostly all of us have lost the battle there. The little circles that we start to live in and spend our life in between. Lies we try to solve but we fall and live in them forever.
I always want to learn and experiment myself — for two specific reasons — to know all the existing things that have made our mind so magical & pure and to write something that breaks the wall of all senses.
It’s the first week of January — yaa 1st week of the new year. I don’t feel new year anymore, because every day I need a better me, a person wiser than before — so somehow the year template doesn’t affect me now.
But I have realised the theory for this year especially that — to find out more, you need to fuck around more in between the gaps, daily routines, humans you have been with and strangers. Keep the sheer lover of a slice of life alive in yourself.
In the era of unlimited information, I somehow jump into the what-ifs and confuse myself with many options available in this world. I randomised myself to the limit where I either stack up myself or always wanted to save everything in my memories.
So, to make it more memorable — I NEED TO FIND OUT MORE, attach everything to one string longing towards other strings and connect the base of my life.
this is the 1st draft of the gauri with a slice of life. let’s see where it lands or ends.
here’s the takeaway: a large part of healing is facing and feeling it and I heal by writing. there’s no way around it.
hope you are somewhere connected to it.
